Elliot's to a Beauty Shop | Afternoon

[defenderofdesmoines]

So Five, Diego and Luther had gone off...somewhere. Which just left Klaus and the girls. Clearly they couldn't hold a family meeting with half the family gone.

"You know, I could really go for some tacos right now," Klaus said. "Allison? Annie?"

Vanya	"Tacos?" Vanya repeated.
Allison	"Shouldn't we wait?" Allison asked. It seemed like the guys left in...huffy, angry terms. They would probably be even more pissed if they came back to half of them gone.
Annie	"I could totally eat a taco or three." Annie was mildly concerned about the guys, but she was getting used enough to all of this -- and the Hargreeves' general dynamic -- that it was mostly a loving, exasperated sort of concern. They'd figure it out. She didn't need to worry about any of the three of them, probably. Also, seriously, tacos sounded great. As did spending some time with her, um...less intense in-laws-to-be.
Klaus	"See?" Klaus said, gesturing to Annie. "You know those guys, I mean, it could take forever for them to bro it out." Such insecure little men. He lifted his eyebrows. "Vanya, tacos?"
Vanya	"Is there any way tacos are going to cause the end of the world?" Vanya asked. She was mostly joking.
Klaus	Klaus shrugged. "Only one way to find out." Taco apocalypse sounded more fun than the one they were currently dealing with.
Allison	There sure was. Somehow tacos turned into drinks which turned into hanging out in Allison's salon with even more drinks. Allison was more than a little buzzed, but seemed to be having a great time doing Klaus' hair. Kind of reminded her of when they were kids. " --the nerve of that man," Allison said, wrapping some of Klaus' hair in a curling iron. "I mean, one thing goes wrong, and he's on a warpath. Doesn't he know who I am?" She shook her head. "No, no, Ray, you know exactly who I am. You just can't handle it. I'm protecting him."
Annie	Annie, meanwhile, was working on putting Vanya's hair in a complicated French braid, which took her back to sitting in pageant green rooms. Though those girls usually ended up being, you know. Not friends so much as competition. This was nice. She kind of missed Summer again, actually. "Exactly," she agreed, pointing emphatically over at Allison. "You're in the right here. He doesn't get it." Normal guys never got it. She felt you, Allison. Emphatically. As only a drunk person could.
Klaus	"What are you even protecting him from?" Klaus asked. He was the only one in the room with a joint, which was disappointing. Come on ladies, it was the sixties!
Allison	"The end of the world, for one," Allison pointed out.
Vanya	"Is the world really going to end in six days?" Vanya knew it was a downer question, but it seemed to be the only thing anyone could talk about. For good reason, she supposed.
Annie	Annie was intrigued by your joint, Klaus. It was part of what was making her miss Summer, specifically! "Maybe," she hedged, twining a bit more of Vanya's hair into the braid and glancing over at Allison and Klaus for confirmation and support. "It happened last time, even though we did everything Five could think of to stop it."
Klaus	"Hey, wouldn't it be weird if Five grew up to be all hot? Wouldn't that be weird?" Sadly, the joint couldn't be blamed for that comment.
Allison	"Eww!" Correct answer, Allison.
Klaus	Klaus huffed. "Oh, 'eww'? Please, Miss Luther was my lover."
Allison	"We never even kissed." Though Allison was looking a little guilty from that comment.
Klaus	"Yeah, but you guys were making sick moon-dog eyes at each other all through puberty and breakfasts and all that." Enjoy that bit of family history, Annie and Vanya.
Annie	Annie looked appropriately repulsed by all of this, yes. Particularly the idea that Five would grow up hot. (Ew. Ew, ew, ew.) However, she had also heard all about the whole Luther/Allison thing from Diego long enough ago to not have that be her only reaction. "Puberty is hard," she offered sympathetically, trying to be diplomatic. "Probably harder when you live with, like, six cute people your own age you aren't technically related to." Diego was the cutest. She wasn't drunk enough (yet) to say so, but he was.
Klaus	"If you have to use the word technically you're already in trouble," Klaus pointed out.
Allison	"Okay, can we focus?" Focus away from any weird sibling attraction talk. "I mean, clearly, we are not saving the world tonight but maybe, maybe we could at least try to save my marriage." Because she really did love Ray, even if he could be an ass sometimes.
Klaus	"No! No, because that's like, that's like asking a nun how to hump someone's leg," Klaus said, batting Allison's hand away to stand up. "I mean, who in this room knows about relationships? This one? In secret love with some farm Frau."
Vanya	"Sissy." And she wasn't a farm frau...she just happened to be a woman who lived on a farm.
Klaus	"Which is an improvement on her previous love interest, the serial killer." Was he wrong? He was speaking truths!
Vanya	Vanya sat up, hopefully not ruining her braid in the process. "What?"
Annie	The braid was fine, but Annie also didn't care because she was clumsily reaching out to pat Vanya's shoulder comfortingly. "He was a big weirdo," she agreed, sympathetic. "Sissy sounds nice, though!" She super liked this Vanya who wasn't trying to kill her! Everyone had a bad boyfriend or two in their history. It happened.
Klaus	"Meanwhile, I carry a torch for a soldier I haven't technically met yet," Klaus continued. "Luther is in love with his sister and Annie likes to have sex in public." Prove him wrong, Annie. He saw the underwear.
Annie	"A car is not public, Klaus, oh my God." Annie could feel her face heating up, even though she, like, generally could not feel her face otherwise right now. Way to make her sound like some kind of weird exhibitionist! And it had been Valentine's Day! That made it super different! Though also there had been the pawn shop bathroom, and...Annie was going back to Vanya's braid, thank you.
Allison	"And, again, we are not biological!" Keep telling yourself that, Allison.
Klaus	"Face it, the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin." RIP, Dolores. "The only thing the Umbrella Academy knows about love is how to screw it up." He waved a hand over at Annie. "Yes, I know you and Diego are still together, but didn't he hack off a hand for you?"
Annie	"Oh my God, it was so romantic." Annie had been all set to get real defensive on Diego's behalf there -- they were going to get married, you guys, you didn't even know, okay -- but then Klaus had to go and invoke the single most loving act in all of their relationship. The very reason for the pawn shop bathroom sex in the first place! "I was in superhero jail. He had to use a hand rescue me," she explained helpfully. People usually needed context to understand the romance of cutting off a hand, for some reason.
Vanya	"How do you guys deal with this?" Vanya asked, looking a little wide eyed. "The time travel, the end of the world..." Superhero jail. Vanya didn't even know that was a thing. Or that Annie put her into the equivalent of one.
Klaus	"Well, I get really high. Allison lies to herself," Klaus said, ignoring his sister's eyeroll. "Annie's a sex addict, and you...you suppress your emotions, deep, deep down until you blow shit up."
Annie	Annie opened her mouth to try to counter that, but -- honestly, that was actually pretty accurate. She and Diego did both totally deal with all of their shit through having a lot of sex. Didn't make it a bad coping mechanism, in her opinion. But she did turn to Vanya and explode her hands outwards from each other, punctuating the gesture with a little, "Boom," and another sympathetic shrug. Having a lot of sex was a better way of coping, Vanya. They really ought to go, like, grab that Sissy lady for her, probably. Maybe when one of them could drive.
Vanya	"I'd really like to not do that anymore." Just for the record.
Klaus	"Well you've got six days, missy," Klaus said, wagging a finger at her.
Allison	Allison shook her head. "What are we supposed to do with six days?" Somehow this apocalypse countdown seemed even more dire than the last one.
Klaus	"Party?" He could do this for another six days. He had fun without the other guys.
Vanya	"I'm gonna tell Sissy I love her," Vanya decided. "I don't want any secrets."
Allison	"Yeah, yeah you're right," Allison said. "'Cause, you know, if it's all going to go tits-up, the least I could do is be honest with my husband." Even if it might scare the hell out of him more than it already had.
Annie	"That is beautiful. This is all beautiful," Annie declared, absolutely beaming at both of them. "If it doesn't matter anyway -- I'm gonna help Diego save JFK." Might as well go out supporting the man she loved's crazy-ass plan instead of questioning it. (Don't tell Five, you guys.)
Klaus	Klaus looked proud of all of them too. He was even proud of Annie's crazy resolution! Then he remembered he probably should join in. "Oh...does that mean I have to face my cult?" Klaus whined. "I just hate group breakups. It's why I stopped dating twins."
Vanya	Vanya laughed, possibly for the first time since this all started. "This family's amazing."

[Still NFB and NFI, preplayed with knife_bender, and largely borrowed from TUA 2.05, 'Valhalla']